How to remain on Bench

How to remain on Bench

Remaining on bench is one of the most difficult art to practice. It involves not only the ability to enjoy bench but also a tact to deceive 8000 people. In this presentation I would like interested people to learn how best to do it.

Some tips:

1. Pretend Busy. Never ever give a hint to anyone that you are free (This will only force you to attend some training or put you in some un-reasonable in-house project). Use the tips provided in this BoK to act busy.

2. Block your calendar: Create dummy appointments in the calendar. Some of the good appointments can be "Meet Sudhir", "Conf call with Onsite", "Group review". My all time favourite is "Attend advanced Java course" (There are so many of these java courses that nobody will notice it).

3. Always carry a notepad and a capless pen. Scribble something even while you are in canteen. Occasionally look into vacuum and pretend thinking (or better, think about the next one-day cricket match). Nobody can ftp to your mind and find it.

4. Learn some new terminology. Discuss these when you are unfortunately put in the company of some PLs. (Be careful... there is Java Beans, no Java Potatoes)

5. When some PL or BM disturbs your privacy and asks you about your project, mention you are helping out Fairfax team in WebLogic. Nobody is going to check it.

6. To add to this, sometimes go to Tech Bulletin board, copy one old query and send it to Wipro_PLs ID in your name. Ignore all replies. If some one calls you to answer the query, just tell him/her that you have a meeting and that you would call later (ask for the EXTN, but don't write it
down)

7. There are PLs, who always suspect 'you'. Avoid them. If they still follow you, ask him/her how they are using the SPC tool in their project. This is the 'brahmastra'. Hardly any PL likes to talk about their weaknesses. This puts them under so much of inferiority complex that they will never ever meet you in the eyes.

8. Avoid sending hazzaar mails or surfing net. This will only increase the risk of getting caught.

9. If you have to read mails, open developer studio, copy the content of mails into different files of dev studio and then read. (Be careful. Do not laugh in between)

10. If you are a sadist, play with CCD and Travel dept too. Ask CCD to find about a product and Travel to block flight tickets for next week. Remember to cancel both after a week. Don't feel guilty.

11. Be calm and confident.

YOUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON YOUR DREAMS SO SLEEP.....