open letter to President Bush from lalu

Dear President Bush,

On Tuesday last a large group of protestors outside the Parliament were shouting out your name and they were saying "Cowherd! Cowherd!"
I felt a great deal of attachment for you—I realized you were from my caste. And therefore we were brothers. But it was too good to be true. A press fellow explained to me that the agitators were calling you "Coward! Coward!" which means something else.

Arre, who cares for these things? I have heard that you have a ranch, which means that you also own cattle. Cows, buffaloes? Please tell me whether this at least is true or not.I am the Railways Minister of India. When you come to India, please insist on travel by train. You will be able to see more of the country than it will be possible by air. You can also drink tea from a kulhar. Arre, if you had encouraged rail travel in America, the bad men on September 11 would have only captured two or three trains—and the Twin Towers would still have been standing.

Anyway, no use talking about the past. No use crying over milk that has been spilt and the black billi has already licked. I hope you are coming with family. I would like to meet Lauraji. See, I have an idea. I know it is a fact that you are enjoying low popularity rate in your country. No problem. You should do what I did. Make Lauraji the President of your country and then just luto the mazaa…

I am talking very frankly with you. Please do the same with me. Have you heard my name linked with the fodder scam? It is mostly true. Actually, I made more money than it is alleged. My intention is not to boast. I have your good in my heart. Tell me, if you wanted money or if Cheneyji's company Haliburton wanted money, why did you need to go and invade another country? You should have just invented a fodder scam!

Arre bhai, suppose you needed badla from Saddam for how he had misbehaved with your father, and you wanted to take revenge by shifting all the oil from Iraq to Texas, still—instead of destroying the whole country why did you not do what we do in Bihar, just kidnap the person who will pay you the desired amount?

You could have done apaharan of Saddam Hussein, and if you needed help I would have sent my own brother-in-law. Absolutely no need to kill lakhs of people. Anyway, you come we will talk about all these things in detail. Kindly come to Bihar . It is now unfortunately owned by another fellow, but I can still show you the sights. If you don't like Governor House, you can stay at Beur Jail. Believe me, it is more comfortable.

Yours truly,
LALU