That why was she born a female?

More than fourteen hundred years have passed since the age of ignorance and yet in this new century I still ask myself the same question as the women of that time must have asked. Why was I born a female? Is it a fault if I am born a female? It's not like I chose to be born this way. Why is it that after so many years of advancement in science and technology as well as psychology and philosophy we still have women wondering what the defect in being born "NOT Man".

When will man truly learn to respect woman? When will he give her the rights she has rather than ONLY talk about her rights? I've seen tons of men talk about rights of women and especially the rights Islam has given to women. I hear them talk and then I see them insult their own wives. Mothers gave them birth so they have to be respected… sharing blood and milk with sibling sisters makes them feel a certain way towards their sisters. Why is it that the role of a wife lacks the same respect and gratitude? When will men open their eyes and appreciate the hard work their wives do?

These women who left their family, their fathers' peaceful abode to take on the duties of taking care of him and his children along with his family are yet are foreigners in some shape or form. Do husbands think a marriage contract means that now they own these women? They are the protectors of their wives but they do not own them. Wives have to live a certain way, as liked by her husband and in-laws. They are expected to give up their own identity so that they may merge into the identity of their husbands. Yes, it is a good thing to do for it is the house is a home because of her. To what extent must this happen and what about her unique identity?

She is continuously ignored. Once married, how many times do husbands remember to bring flowers without any occasion? Or say simple gestures like "thank you" and "I appreciate it" and "I love you" and more importantly show with their actions that they actually mean all that they say! How easy it is to say those sweet things that are but words that never take form of an action.

No offence to men who are exceptions to the rule but in general this is the case. Man of the house has to have everything his way and he forgets to see the needs of the so-called 'queen' of the house. Queen! That's right… If you want to learn sweet talk that melts the heart of a foolish woman learn it from a man of course. Somehow they don't fail at it and always know how to make her feel better… Two kind words, simple gestures that say I care and that melts the heart of a wife who truly loves him. What next?

She is walked all over like a doormat... At the end of the day a wife is like a doormat but of course no one will admit to it. Men will talk about how the husbands should treat their wives but they will fail to see how they treat their own wives. Yes, there are cases when the wife is clever enough to know how to twist her husband's arm without him feeling the pain or knowing about it. At least that woman does not suffocate and is not a prisoner at home. Though I don't agree with that form of marriage either.

Whatever happened to men and women being complementary to each other? If man is given the right to lead the house there is a reason for it but that does not imply he can misuse his powers. Oh! But, even if he does, it is not till the after life that he will be questioned and perhaps his wife will forgive him and he will make it clear? That is what is thought of traditional eastern women. That they should suffer, tolerate and be patient through everything because Allah will be happy with them. The husbands on the other hand will somehow get away with whatever they do coz they are the husband, THE MAN!

Allah gave both man and woman rights. A wife has rights over her husband and a husband has rights over his wife. It is not just that the husband has rights. BUT, he being a man and the world being a man's world and the Sheikh being a man somehow forget that the women have rights too or take those rights away! Why isn't the bride told before her Nikkah that she can place the right to ask for divorce in her marriage contract? Why does anyone not tell her that? Why does the groom not like that condition? Why do the elders not like to hear of it? Why is it taken for granted that the women MUST clean and cook and do housework? When by Islam she does not have to do all that. Indeed, it is only a privilege she bestows upon her husband by doing all that while it is his duty to make sure she is fed and clothed and has a place to live! How many men actually think about it like that! And why not??? WHY NOT! I will not just blame men this time. I also put the burden on women! Sorry to say, but it is the women, mothers or grandmothers who were raised being told that this was why they were born. So, they teach the same to their daughters.

They will say that daughters are born for the kitchen and the house and bringing up of kids and taking care of the men of the house. Men are responsible for the outside duties and don't have to do any housework. You can question me "Isn't it true?" Yes, it is true that in the long run that is the responsibility of the female. What you have to understand is that I am not against women being housewives and I am not against women taking on their responsibilities of the house. I am against women being taken for granted when they take on the role of a wife. I am against the fact that they are not appreciated for the housework they do which is not their ultimate duty but a favor on her husband. She was not born to do housework rather she is doing a favor if she does the housework. Do you see a difference?

Yes it is her utmost duty to bring up well-mannered children but is it not true that she can ask her husband to pay her for the feeding of his children. How many mothers actually ask the father of their children to pay them or refuse to feed their own babies? There will be some but the majority will feed their kids. Again! Husbands and others assume that this is the wife/mother's duty. It is not appreciated rather taken for granted. But, let's look at the husband who comes home tired from work and wants a hot home cooked meal, and then he seeks a set of nice washed clothes ready to wear. Maybe, he is so tired that he asks for a message? He wants this and that because he spent a hard day at work and is tired.

He can't go out and the wife understands that her husband is tired. Men will always in some way show and make clear that they have been working hard and do all this work outside and are tired. Yes, it is his wife who can and should make him feel better and relaxed when he comes home. I am not against that nor do I disagree to that. My point is only that a man will never let it go unnoticed that he does hard work and gets tired and should be appreciated for the bringing home of money. The woman on the other hand will mostly be ignored of her work at home.

It is a trend, not a rule. It is the general case, not the way it is supposed to be. A woman can make her house a home and a heaven for her husband and children but she cannot do so if she is not given the credit and motivation for doing so. She does not ask for much but attention, love, respect and understanding from the one for who she left everything to form a home with. If she wore a new dress, she wants him to notice her. If she made a nice dish, she wants him to appreciate it. If she is having a tough day she will be cheered up by a simple gesture. If she has been worn out and tired yet not said so, she will feel better if he simply admits having noticed that she has been working hard and is tired.

When was the last time you, a husband, told your wife that you loved her? That you appreciated all that she has done for you? That you are thankful that she stood by you? When was the last time you made her smile? When was the last time you knew she was smiling from within her soul and not for showing on her face only? Look back to the years you have known each other, how many of those days did you keep her happy compared to the days you made her sad? Yes, the same applies to the wife as well.

My point is that no matter how long you have been married for, it is never too late to appreciate one another. Never too late to bring happiness in the life of your spouse and make her feel thankful that she has you for a husband. Never to late to think about what if tomorrow the other was no longer there. Especially, to make sure that your wife is not asking herself the same question over and over again… That why was she born a female?

By Akta