A letter from a Sikh patient to his family doctor!

Hi Doc,

As you know, when I first got married 11 years ago, me and my wife came to see you to consult on family planning. We do not plan to have kids and we asked you for advise. You told us to try birth CONTROL methods. Tried as hard as I can, I couldn't help controlling myself from ejaculating and my wife got pregnant.
So we got our first child.

You then advised us to try ORAL contraceptives before sex. We did and yet my wife got pregnant. I failed to see how licking and sucking each other before sex can prevent her from getting pregnant!

After the birth of our second child, we went to see you again for advice. You told us my wife has to be ON the PILL and she did. Yet a few weeks later, we found out she was pregnant. I failed then to see how lying on top of the pill while having sex can prevent her from getting pregnant.

After the birth of our third child, we came to see you again. You told her to TAKE IN the PILL before sex this time. She did as you said and yet she got pregnant. I failed to see, even as we enjoyed it, how putting the pill in her you-know-where before sex can prevent her from getting pregnant.

After the birth of our fourth child, you told us to try the RHYTHM method and we followed strictly as you prescribed. It was very tough but somehow we managed. Yet my wife got pregnant again. I failed to see how dancing the rumba, cha-cha and the tango while having sex can help to prevent her from getting pregnant. So we got our fifth child.

You then suggested I put on condoms before sex. You even taught me how to put them on. Yet, my wife got pregnant again. I simply don't understand how putting French caps on my index finger as you taught me can prevent her from getting pregnant. My sixth child was a boy.

You then told me that I should have put the French caps on my “head” instead. We tried that too, and I nearly died of suffocation. I realized now which sane man would want to belief that putting condoms over your head while having sex would prevent your wife from getting pregnant, even though it nearly succeeded. So our seventh child was born.

We went to see you again. You advised us to CHANGE methods. We did, and yet my wife got pregnant and she had our eighth child. I failed to see how changing from the normal missionary method to the doggie-style and other methods can prevent her from getting pregnant.

Next you advised us to practice TOTAL ABSTINENCE. We strictly abstained from taking all foods and liquids before sex until we were so weak and exhausted.
Yet we got our ninth child 9 months later.

You then advised us to try the ALTERNATE methods of birth control. We did that too, and yet my wife got pregnant. I failed to understand how having sex on alternate days and on alternate sides can prevent her from getting pregnant. My wife cried on the alternate days which made me alternate from being very happy to very sad. My tenth child was just born yesterday.

Dear Doctor,
I no longer believe in you and your birth control methods. I have seen a lawyer and I'll be suing you for giving us false advise. You'll be hearing from my lawyers soon …
No thanks to you !!!!!